We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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