Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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