for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
