Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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