You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize