I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
