Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
