I intend to get homeless drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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