Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
