This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
