just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
