you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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