I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Small penises have feelings too.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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