What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize