We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
