At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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