this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
