Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Small penises have feelings too.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
