I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
