thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
