Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
