I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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