fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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