You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
