Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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