I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
