I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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