I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
