i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
