I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
