Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
