I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
