as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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