how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
