Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
