dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is the high leading the old right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
