Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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