we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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