I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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