I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
