"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
