Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
