I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize