i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
