also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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