We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
