Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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