I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
