It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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