So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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