You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
