So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
