Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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