and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
