is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
