Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
