he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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