Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
