you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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