The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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