So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
