Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
