For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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