If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
