Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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