apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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