after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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