ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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